Thoughts
by mistakenXsilence
Summary: TNYM Tsujiai's upset over Nina's departure...Nina's confused about her decision...Maya's suffering from her unrequited love...and so is Yuta! A continuation based on the Anime.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Ultra Maniac

A/N: This story…err…chapter, takes place after Nina says goodbye to Tsujiai at the lookout point in the Anime.

Chapter One: Tsujiai's Thoughts

I once believed that I'm just going to screw my life over with complications caused by relationships with the opposite sex.

So I tried avoiding it.

Perhaps not avoid, but attempted not to make any reckless and rash decisions on feelings. I knew that finding someone attractive did not equal attraction, nor does enjoying someone's company. And when a time comes that I realized that I did feel something more, I didn't make such a big deal over that small crush and I never sought to let it grow. Instead, I waited until it just wilted away until I was back to my normal practical self.

But this time, it didn't.

I couldn't help it, not that I tried. It just came without warning to tell you the truth. One minute I was letting her borrow manga, then the next thing I was feeling jealous and confused and all uncontrollable inside watching her dance with Zorro. And mind you, I don't like to feel many different emotions at a time. It drives me nuts (yes, there are things that drives me nuts), even though it never shows. I was always the silent type. Silent, sarcastic, logical, and rude at times. I hate to be involve in things that are troublesome.

Like falling in love.

So the more I spent time with her, the more I realized that she was taking my heart, piece by piece. At first it was the magic that interested me, but then it was her personality that played the big role of my attraction for her. Her cute little voice, her endless enthusiasm, her high spirit, her restlessness, her determination…it was all of herself that drew me closer to the decision that I've never been so sure in my life.

I, Tsujiai Hiroki, am in love with Nina Sakura.

There. Clear as ever.

But there's something wrong with it, no matter how simple the idea might be.

What's wrong is that she's gone. The only girl that I ever developed feelings for was gone into another world and was to be married off to a prince that she doesn't even love.

It's _me_ that she loves…or she likes…or…she has feelings for me in some sort ok? And I believe that there could be a future between us if only she could stay here in the human world.

But she can't.

Ever since she revealed to us that she was going to leave as soon as she found all the holy stones, I knew it. That's why I never told her initially about my feelings for her. It would only crush my heart to know that there could definitely be something more. I only told her about my feelings when she told me that she lov- I mean, _likes_ me in the dark vortex, where I honestly thought we were going to die. So I thought that if we were going to die, I might as well tell her, right?

And now I wonder what's the point even if I told her. She wouldn't be able to do anything about it. She would still be married to Prince Charming and I would be left alone here, or in another case, we'd all just die and be sucked into the bottomless pit and hell of the dark vortex. But even if we lived, she'd still leave. We'd be forever separated between two worlds.

And let me tell you. It was, and is hurting me like hell. It was crushing my insides into dust that it was all that I could feel. I couldn't even shed tears. I just stood there on the look-out point, staring at the sky blankly while our memories together flashed before my eyes.

Our goodbye was short and casual, as if we were going to part for just a day. I told her that I'll never forget her, and gave her a picture of us five. It hurt me with every second of those last moments with her. And I told myself that the pain would be minimized if she left as soon as she could. I didn't want her farewell to be unbearable, so I just acted relaxed, yet upset all at the same time.

A part of me imagined the moment to be similar to those romantic movies, where she would dramatically tell me that she would love me forever even if we were going to be apart, then the screen would fade out as we share a passionate kiss. But I was glad that she didn't. It would make our separation even worse and hurtful than it already was. I would only crush the already crushed bit of heart even more to see her cry. I never want to be the reason of her sadness. I never want that sweet smile of hers to disappear because of me…

My, my, I'm so poetic.

To think that after she gets married, all of our memories would be erased. All of the pain that I feel and would feel would just disappear. It's great isn't it?

No it's not. I'd rather take the pain. I'd rather be left alone in depression from her absence. I'd welcome the hurting and the brokenness that I had to endure, because I'd rather have it all than have it be taken away along with the happiest memories of my life.

Boy, was I right. I'm just going to screw my life over with complications cause by relationships with the opposite sex.

A/N: I was hoping I could make a story that would go on until Tsujiai and Nina got together. I don't know. I'll think about it first.

And also, I know that most people want Nina and Yuta to be together. Personally I think that Nina and Tsujiai should be together (and they are, so there's nothing we can do about it) but I just LOVE Yuta. So it kindda sucks the way that he ends up without anyone. The whole "kawaii" thing at the end of the anime was just a feeble attempt to not disappoint those who love Yuta.

Please review, and I welcome any comments, although I would prefer not insults…


	2. Chapter 2

-1Disclaimer: I don't own Ultra Maniac

A/N: I've decided to change parts of the real story, making it to fit in **my **story.

Nina hasn't met the prince yet, and she goes back to the Magic Kingdom like in the original story. She doesn't go straight to the Hall of Princess.

The prince doesn't give the key-thingy, and he's not in love with anyone. Although he does dance with Nina (instead of Maya) when they were young in the party. No accidents happen. This story is just purely a "Nina got the five Holy Stones and now she is going to get married to the prince" story.

Chapter Two: Confusion

The open balcony's silk curtains swayed by the cold breeze that softly entered the room. In the darkness and dimness of the night, I was crouched on a chair by a desk, my head laid on my knees as I clutched them to my chest. Beads of warm tears fell from my eyes, glistening from the faint light from a small lamp on the desk before of me. The moist liquid trickled down my legs to my feet, dampening the cushion of the chair. Silent tears, a silent cry, I sat there.

On top of the desk was a small piece of paper I had written. A chart. A useless piece of information that was clear, yet futile all at the same time. On it was eight words, scribbled carelessly, the ink smudge in places where I'd touch the surface.

**Pros:**

Royalty

Honor

Pride

**Cons:**

Friends

Family

Tsujiai

Earlier this evening, I was scheduled to meet the prince in the Hall of Princesses. I brought Rio along with me, coming earlier than the original plan, hoping that we'd be able to explore the castle together afterwards. We entered the Hall of Princesses first and was amazed by the sight. Not long after that, Rio's curiosity led us to a balcony through the archways in the room. Beyond that archway was a majestic view of the Grand Hall, the gleaming double marble staircase, and the royal red carpet strewn down cutting across the hall.

It was gorgeous, but I found myself feeling a strange emotion through looking at it. I imagined people…many people in formal attires, all chatting noisily at the ground below. It was a party, I noticed right away. Then one right after another, I saw celebrations being held, just like a television being flicked through different channels. But all that came out were celebrations, monotonous gatherings, all quite the same that it was hard to distinguish the actual difference.

And the message was clear. It was like I was seeing my life flashing before my eyes, and a question, one that I often tried to bury at the back of my head, formed in my mind.

_Is this what I want?_

Sensing the confusion and hurt in my eyes, Rio started a conversation that ruined all that I've ever taught myself to believe in.

"_Ne, Nina. You look like you're thinking. Is there something wrong with you?" Rio asked. He looked back at me with his big green orbs that surprisingly, held something other than hunger for spaghetti with salmon. _

_He looked at me with worry._

"_I'm fine Rio! I'm fine!" I waved him off, trying to sound like my normal self. Instead my voice came out shaking, struggling, weak. Rio noticed right away and gave me a frown._

"_Ah! Don't worry about me! I'm just really nervous! That's all!" I trailed off._

_There was silence, and I knew Rio wasn't satisfied with my weak assurance._

_And neither was I. A tight feeling was stuck in my chest, begging me to think over once more, begging me to remember what I lost through my decision. I didn't because I was going to cry, that's for sure, and I didn't want the prince to witness my sadness over what happened. And also, to told myself sternly, what was left to think of? I already made my choice. A hurtful and difficult one, but I did. There was not turning back now._

"_Datte, Nina-chan," Rio asked in a small voice. "Are you really going to marry the prince?"_

_I paused for a second, then said softly, "Yes, I am."_

_Rio suddenly performed a somersault that brought him to his human form. When he did, he instantly looked at me with a grim look on his face, frowning. He raised his voice, "But you were happy in the human world! You can't just throw that all away!"_

"_I'm not!" Feeling surprised at his outburst, I shuffled uncomfortably. " What's with you?"_

"_As far as I know, you were never happier here! This isn't what you really want!" he retorted._

"_Yes Rio! This IS what I want!" I said firmly. "This is what I've always wanted!"_

"_But it's different now!"_

"_How do you know!" I shouted at him, our voice echoing in the large hall. But I didn't care at that moment, not one bit. Believe it or not, I have a nerve._

_And he hit that nerve._

_He continued to bellow at me, fighting against the rare anger that flared inside me. "I just know! And YOU know it too!"_

"_I know what I'm doing Rio! This is MY decision!"_

"_And I'm telling you that you made the wrong one!" he cried out._

_I clenched my fists by my side, more anger spilling. I shouted louder, "You wouldn't understand!"_

"_I **do** understand!" he equally yelled. "How could you do this? What about your mama and papa! What about Ayu and Kaji! What about Tsujiai! You never even thought of them when you decided to leave just like that!" he retorted furiously, his face glowering with force._

_With every name, my heart gave a twitch of pain, as if wincing at their memory. No, I thought, it's not just them._

That's when I recited the words that I'd been using to convince myself. Those words hanging in my mind, overcoming all other reasons of my decision, blocking everything else that would fight against it.

"_What about Oji-san, Rio? Did you ever thought about him?" I said infuriated. "This was his dream, MY dream, and how do you think he'd feel when I let him down because of unplanned accidents in my life?"_

"_But-"_

"_What about him, Rio! What about my family? That honor that I've always thought I'd receive by winning, even just **joining **this competition? What about my cousins, huh? They'd counted on me to be where I am right now! They'd been waiting all my life just for this moment!"_

_He stared back abashed, with nothing to say as I kept yelling at him, words pouring out of me without stopping._

"_What about me? I'd always wanted to improve my powers! To feel successful as a witch! I've always been laughed at with my poor grades, people separating themselves from me because of my carelessness. Do you think I liked that? Do you think I wanted that? By making this decision I'd gain everything I've ever wanted. And now that I'm here, do you think I'd throw **that **all away?" I asked softer now, my voice fading as I shook._

"_But what about-"_

"_It doesn't matter anymore." I said bitterly. "That's not a choice for me anymore."_

And with that, I stormed out of the balcony, through the Hall of Princesses, and back here, in my lonely room. I'd been crying since then, thinking about those harsh words that I'd spoken. People had been knocking politely on my door all evening, offering food, asking for questions, but all I replied was that no, I'm not hungry, and give my apologies to the prince because I don't think I can meet up with him tonight.

My small pink watch on the desk read 11:37 at night. I knew I should be sleeping, yet still, thoughts of the previous scene plagued my mind, along with the rest of the day. How Ayu-chan had cried and ran from my confession, Oji-san's decision of letting me go, and finally, Tsujiai-kun's last words at the meeting point in the park.

Of course I want to stay in the human world. Of course I want to go to school everyday with Ayu-chan, Kaji-kun, Tsujiai-kun, and with all my other friends. I still want to create those memories of togetherness along with them.

But what about the Magic Kingdom? What about my future? Bonding with them was pure coincidence, and I'd never thought that I'd feel so attached before I could finally go back here.

It had always been my goal in life, you know. To become a powerful witch, redeeming the honor and glory that my family lacked for many years. I wanted to show the rest of the world, that I wasn't just a witch that had magic grades. By collecting the five Holy Stones, and winning the ticket of marriage to the prince, I was going to be able to achieve that.

I was ready to let go of my temporary happiness for the real life I was destined to have, but something else happened.

I fell in love with Tsujiai-kun.

I confessed my feelings for him the previous day. He confessed his feelings too, right after I did. Surprisingly, we didn't converse about our feelings at all at our last meeting at the observation point. And I just suffered through it all, those last and final words from the person I love.

And I thought, still, my decision lay ahead of me and I let nothing, not even my own emotions come across its way. I refused to even think about what-could've-been, and I let the idea of marrying the prince slowly spread in my head, accepting it completely.

I thought I'd gotten over the idea of staying. I told myself the bright life that I could have with going back to the Magic Kingdom. Until that is, Rio made me realize once more what I'd lost.

And it hurts.

Why couldn't it be both? Why did it have to be either way?

And now I cry here in the dark, feeling sadness gripping my heart, feeling confused at my decision, even if there was nothing more I could do.

A/N: I am soooooo sorry I wasn't able to update earlier, because here, in my country, we have summer vacation during April and May instead of June and July. I was out in Europe for three weeks. And also, since my school started, I'm kindda busy.

Please read and review! I really appreciate it! It keeps me going!

Ps: I'm also mingling with the idea of Maya and Yuta being together at the end. If anyone has a grudge against that, go ahead and tell me. I'm not sure if majority of the fans want Maya with the prince or Yuta.

Once again, I'm deeply sorry to keep you waiting!


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